Checkpoint 1

Checkpoint 1

The only vegan thing they had at Pyrmont Park Cafe was my doppio.

We held our two week progress check at Pyrmont Park Café. I used to love this place, but now knowing that they have nothing on their menu to cater for temporary vegans, I feel temporarily ostracised.

Tones Beefcake Update:

As I walked over to Tone at the swings, I immediately noticed his shoulders had broadened. At this point I should point out that this blog will have moderately gay undertones. Here is a quick snap, I warned him so he could flex:

Incredible how quickly your body reacts to area specific weight training.

Duges Six-pack update:

Duges showed up shortly afterwards, so I got a quick abs progress shot:

This lighting was all wrong, according to Duges, but I can’t really argue, he is a lighting professional. Can’t really argue with the sun though. He showed me a selfie with correct lighting, which I was able to convince him to text to me, with one proviso:

 

 

He was right, much better lighting. And kudos for having the guts to post a selfie. I think obscuring your face might help – having a stupid “why-am-I-doing-this” look on my face may be why I was so reluctant to post mine.

Later Duges texted me this one:

Sorry Duges I did try to Photoshop out that rash near your groin, but I don’t have Photoshop.

I did put Duges at long shot for this event, just on account of the inherent difficulty. In fact truth be told I put myself as the hare and the other three just as arguing about who gets to be tortoise. But Duges is firming to favourite now. You are looking yoked Duges, and I say that with every last ounce of heterosexuality that a man can still claim, while receiving and transmitting selfies of his mates. I am tossing up whether to change the blog title from obligatevegan to fiftyshadesofgay. Wow, I thought I made that up, but just googled "Fifty Shades of Gay" - there is already a gay porn film with that title. Please don't google anything written here, it is probably all stolen.

 

Chucks Weight-cut update:

No show from Chuck, possibly too weak to move. He is doing well though, lost 5.5kgs in 2 weeks and lowest body fat since 1997, so great progress. Kilos get harder and harder to lose the further you go though, so it is still uphill from here. I have primed him on the 24 hour MMA weight-cut technique, but he has not responded so may not be keen. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but an interesting way to lose 5kg of water weight. It is fairly simple, you spend a couple of days drinking as much as possible, then 24hrs our from weigh-in, stop drinking and eating completely. The excess water intake in the days before speeds up your urination process, which doesn’t immediately slow down when you stop drinking, so you expel quite a bit of the body's liquid reserves. Then as often as you can you bath or shower for 30 minutes. In a really hot shower you can lose half a kilo in thirty minutes. This rate decrease as the 24hrs goes on, but it adds up pretty quickly. Of course, you can die doing it, ask Andreas Munzer. Which you can't do, he is dead. 

 

I haven't asked for a selfie from Chuck. I imagine even asking for one may end our friendship forever. Selfies are a little difficult for Chuck, given that his phone is from 1994, and probably has no camera. Side-challenge: get a selfie of Chuck by the end of this, somehow. This will have to do for now:

 

 

RIP Breville. 

In week our my faithful Breville blender, which we have had for ten years or so, died. It had mixed literally thousands of margaritas. If at any time in the last decade you woke up passed out on our floor, feeling like you had been margarita-boarded, odds are the Breville was involved. But when it got loaded up with vegan plant matter day after day, it finally blew up like a meth lab. It was a no-brainer to get the Blendtec, check it out:

 

I like knowing that my blender hates my iphone as much as I do.

I can’t spank on about the Blendtec hard enough, it is an awesome machine. I am a big fan of the design concept: “let’s just attach a blender jug to a lawnmower engine”. I also looked at the Vitamix, but having to stand there stuffing everything down constantly with what looks like a giant black dildo, is ridonkulous. The Blendtec blades suck everything into themselves, so you just pull the ripcord and walk away. And it liquefies everything properly too, kale stems and celery stalks, everything just gets destroyed. It is the Cain Velasquez of blenders.

 

The Blendtec kale shakes tear through your system like a runaway luge. In fact my whole digestion schedule has been jacked by this diet. On an all-meat-diet, I used to go days between serious toilet visits if I wanted to. Now it is several times a day. And there is no arguing either: once I get the signal,  I have to start looking for ablution facilities immediately. The clock starts ticking, and if I have not found a bathroom in less than an hour, I am positive my bowels will start making decisions I will regret. In my carnivore days, I was able to always enjoy the comforts of my own bathroom. Now, under the ruthless bowel dictatorship regime, I am in every god-awful public toilet in the state. I feel like a location scout for Trainspotting II.

 

I am guessing it is better for you not to let your own raw sewage sit in your system for days at a time, but I am not sure about the health impacts of breathing in all that public toilet stench.

 

These are all things I did not foresee when I agreed to this stupid bet.

 

Please, bacon, come at me.   

The blogger, in happier times